Thomas Cardwell

My dad was a simple, selfless man who seemed to just float through life unnoticed, he never really
voiced or forced his opinions, he rarely made his own choices and to keep the peace he sometimes
ignored his principles just to please others.
He was undoubtedly a handsome, smart funny individual whose whole personality was made up of sheer
cheekiness. He was popular with the ladies and even when he came to the end of his life he could
still turn on the charm.
What fascinated me the most about dad was the way he never failed to inspire me by his positive laid
back attitude towards life, he took absolutely nothing for granted, and he was grateful for
everything and complained about nothing? He never wanted anything more than what he had, I can’t
ever recall him wanting more or comparing his life to anyone.

Dad was lucky really where health was concerned and he went through his life a healthy man until a
few years ago when he woke one morning to discover he could not stand and it was through the night
that he had suffered a stroke. His right side was affected quite badly and this meant that he needed
assistance with every day life and it stole his passions for dancing and singing. So given that the
things he loved to do and his independency snatched away he was never angered about it or wallowed
in self pity or ask ‘Why me’, he merely saw this as a lucky escape to something that could have
been far worse and he just dusted himself down and started again. He never allowed the stroke to
limit what he could do and he insisted his life would be just as it was before the stroke and his
whole attitude was what will be will be.

His health after the stroke seemed to just roller coaster and 12 months ago dad was diagnosed with
cancer and it was then that I got closer to him and I discovered in him an incredible, abundance of
qualities that I had not seen before.

Dad was so courageous that day we were first told about the cancer, we were ushered into one of
those quiet rooms designed to deliver bad news and when the doctor spoke my world fell apart and I
know dads did too, but he stood tall and brave and showed no emotions to protect me.
This was the just the start of the journey, the two of us backward and forwards to the hospital, but
being the selfless man that he was whilst I was supporting him, giving him hope and keeping him
positive, he was doing the same for me.
These times filled my heart with dread wondering what the doctors would say, the continuing bad
news, but dad and I would sit in the waiting room amongst other families carrying the same burdens
as us but somehow dad and I found the strength to laugh even then. We would do crosswords or just
talk and we would laugh so hard that tears would roll down our faces.
At the final appointment we knew that the cancer had won and it would only be a matter of weeks
before we would lose him. We sat down and looked at things that dad would have loved to have done
with his life that would make him smile. We took him on his first holiday abroad to Spain and it
came with some very difficult challenges because of his disabilities with his stroke and
deteriorating health but through his can do attitude we overcame them all.
We also took him into a recording studio to make a CD of him singing which means I have his voice
recorded with me always which is a great comfort.

Through dad’s wishes he came to stay with us In the last 3 weeks of his life and he became so
comfortable and confident in his knowledge that he was being taken care of he told me he only felt
safe when I was there and those words made me so special.
At first he behaved like a guest, taking up occupancy in the spare chair, allowing us to watch on
T.V what we would usually watch, he wouldn’t ask for anything and he felt like he was putting us
out whenever he needed something. But just like a typical man it was only a matter of days before he
had taken over the remote control for the television, he had taken up the best seat in the house and
Instead of waiting for us to ask him if he needed anything, he started to make his demands.
And we suddenly realized that he had become the man of the house and he felt at home.
Caring for anyone who is coming to the end of their life needs not only love and devotion, but
nursing and whilst we were learning dad showed tremendous amounts of patience.
Whenever dad sensed we were sad, he provided us with laughter, when we tired he gave us strength and
encouragement, when we could see he was in pain he gave reassurance that the pain was just a niggle.
Dad helped us to help him and without his help we couldn’t have done it and right up until the
very end he made us laugh.
The greatest comfort to me is as he took his last few breaths I cradled him in my arms and the
moment I touched him he opened his eyes to look at me before closing them again for the last time.
I think I can speak for those that were present the day my dad passed away that it was everything
you could wish for a loved one and more. He passed away peacefully, painlessly; and with dignity but
importantly in the company of family.